... and now my life begins.
... and now my life begins.
And soon Ezra will be with me. Very soon. And it will all be worth it.
there is a dishwasher I havent tested, closets everywhere, power outlets that out number my old house just in one room, and I feel at home here.
Our home... no furnishings yet and most of my stuff isnt here but I'm relaxed. I'm happy. Ezra will have a home when she finally arrives. A nice home, something to be proud of. Replace the shower head, already fixed the hose thing using only a knife, move some stuff in and...wait.
I've waited all my life for this, a home with someone I love. All my life...
Ezra, your Krael is bringing you home!
..... I'm super excited if you couldn't tell ^_^
Every time I go to the computer this is what I see before my eyes hour after hour. A blank entry box with so many unformed ideas that are unexpressed due to my inability to display them the way I want them displayed. However, something else never fails to occur when this current ritual presents itself... I think of him. I think of the man that I fell in love with five years ago. The man that I call my lover, my mate, my friend, and my future husband.
I think back to all of those years ago when I had first met him. It was here on LiveJournal where he asked me for a commission of his previous character, a fox named Grae. I was a raccoon at the time, but my ambition for drawing was not much different as it is today. I drew his badge and we very quickly became very close friends with the help of the internet. I remember talking to him every chance I got. It wasn't long after when I knew I was smitten for him. I did not pursue him however. I was in another relationship and I was very doubtful that he would be interested in me that way... little did I know until recently that he was.
A while later I left the person I was with and slowly fell into a deep depression. Soon after I did something that I will never forgive myself for. I left the fandom and with that all of my friends as well, changing my sn, abandoning my artwork, I left everything... even him. I never realized I'd be leaving him in the process. Never once thought of anyone but myself... but I did find myself missing him more and more every day.
Five years since we had first met. I hadn't talked to him in almost two when I found him again. I thought back to what I had done and who I was those few years we had lost touch and what I never got to share with him... I thought about my graduation, my first time enrolling into college, how far my art has progressed, how I almost dropped everything and went to live on the road, how I almost traveled to Tibet or joined the Peace Corps. Even the little things like some of my achievements, people I've met, my journeys and my discoveries that I never got to share... I truly hate myself for it....
....But then I think about that day he called me. That day when he finally admitted that he loved me. I remember crying and telling him that I loved him too... I look back and I feel truly honored.
Honored in knowing that he could share the greatest moment of my life with me.
For five years I have loved you Krael... I can't wait to share the rest of my life with you...
...I love hammers. Tools, weapons, something cool to carry around. When you have a hammer it makes a statement. That is a working man/woman, see they have a hammer. Going to build something. to create, to add to the world. Or, that person has a point to make. Why else would the phrase "hammer it home" even exsist? Or, that person is going to fuck someone up.
Number 2. Absinthe.
Let me just say this first: I LOVE ABSINTHE. If you ever get the chance to try it do so, but do it right. If someone brings you absinthe in a shot glass do two things, dont drink it until you have a larger glass some water and a suger cube (or two as I prefer) and second, punch in the face the person who thought drinking a shot of absinthe straight was a good idea. Straight absinthe is a quick ticket to screaming in terror at helicopters...not that...uh...I'd know or anything. [nervous laugh]
Number 1. Ezra.
Seriously, Ezra is my top thing I love more than anything. If I had to choose, hammers would be gone. I might hesitate when it comes to absinthe but she would understand (right love?) But in the end, Ezra beat all of them. I love her more than anything everywhere forever. If someone gave me the world I'd give it to her. Seeing her smile, hearing her laugh, watching her lipsinc with EVERY song, watching her eat...ahem [I have my obsessions but so do you, leave me alone]...Everything about her brings me more joy than I thought possible. But most of all, touching her is truly amasing. It means she is real, she does exsist and I havent gone mad.
and on a side note she drinks absinthe with me and uses a hammer at work so BONUS. [laughs]
I love you Ezra.
...I gave it out of love.
It now rests on a chain, for it was too large to fit easily on her finger, around the neck of my beloved Ezra. I think of her always. Always. I worry about her. I know my worry is needless as she can take care of herself. I know it is needless becaause most of my worry is born from my own paranoia and twisted mind. I know my worry is needless...yet I worry nonetheless.
So here I lay, in the dark, illuminated by my phone as I type. My thoughts always on her. I rest my head against the mat as I have no pillow. As sleep draws near I reach out beside me searching for her, and I find her, she is in my heart and mind and in my dreams. She always will be. I know I will be at her side again soon...
I Love you Ezra