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05 July 2010 @ 11:38 pm
Ezra: "Five Years"  
Ever since Krael's last two posts I've been on and off of this computer, staring at the screen and trying to find the right words to say about what I feel, trying to find something deep, something meaningful that I could post here.

Blank.

Every time I go to the computer this is what I see before my eyes hour after hour. A blank entry box with so many unformed ideas that are unexpressed due to my inability to display them the way I want them displayed. However, something else never fails to occur when this current ritual presents itself... I think of him. I think of the man that I fell in love with five years ago. The man that I call my lover, my mate, my friend, and my future husband.

Krael.

I think back to all of those years ago when I had first met him. It was here on LiveJournal where he asked me for a commission of his previous character, a fox named Grae. I was a raccoon at the time, but my ambition for drawing was not much different as it is today. I drew his badge and we very quickly became very close friends with the help of the internet. I remember talking to him every chance I got. It wasn't long after when I knew I was smitten for him. I did not pursue him however. I was in another relationship and I was very doubtful that he would be interested in me that way... little did I know until recently that he was.

A while later I left the person I was with and slowly fell into a deep depression. Soon after I did something that I will never forgive myself for. I left the fandom and with that all of my friends as well, changing my sn, abandoning my artwork, I left everything... even him. I never realized I'd be leaving him in the process. Never once thought of anyone but myself... but I did find myself missing him more and more every day.

Five years.

Five years since we had first met. I hadn't talked to him in almost two when I found him again. I thought back to what I had done and who I was those few years we had lost touch and what I never got to share with him... I thought about my graduation, my first time enrolling into college, how far my art has progressed, how I almost dropped everything and went to live on the road, how I almost traveled to Tibet or joined the Peace Corps. Even the little things like some of my achievements, people I've met, my journeys and my discoveries that I never got to share... I truly hate myself for it....

....But then I think about that day he called me. That day when he finally admitted that he loved me. I remember crying and telling him that I loved him too... I look back and I feel truly honored.

Honored in knowing that he could share the greatest moment of my life with me.

For five years I have loved you Krael... I can't wait to share the rest of my life with you...

 
 
Current Location: Batavia, NY
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
Current Music: "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" -Otis Redding
 
 
 
EzraKraelezrakrael on July 6th, 2010 03:58 am (UTC)
Krael: I think if the times when I sat there looking at the screen, wishing I could tell you how I really felt. Dismissing it because it was "just me" or the fear of sounding creepy and turning you away. I remember aways holding back when I talked with you, never being open...true.
That night on the phone, when I knew I couldnt hold it back any longer..."not sure what it means or what will come of it...but I...I love you." And that voice, hesitant, holding back a cry, maybe in disbelief..."I can honestly say I love you too."
If we said it five years ago would it have ment as much? Would we be engaged or married now? Would we be seperate and alone? These are not the things we have to ask or think about.
the only reality is...it happened the best way it could. We met, fell for each other, and five years apart we had matured and grown and literally (especially in my case) become different people than we were back then.
The one and only thing that didnt change was how we felt...and now we have OUR life to love each other like we always should have.
EzraKrael: Ezraezrakrael on July 7th, 2010 01:17 am (UTC)
Ezra: I love you Krael. Always will :3
ignatia_flamesignatia_flames on July 6th, 2010 08:40 pm (UTC)
The story of two lovers, separated then reunited, i dont know what to say.. its just, heartwarming :)
EzraKrael: Ezraezrakrael on July 7th, 2010 01:16 am (UTC)
Ezra: Awww *smiles* You're so sweet ^_^