Every time I go to the computer this is what I see before my eyes hour after hour. A blank entry box with so many unformed ideas that are unexpressed due to my inability to display them the way I want them displayed. However, something else never fails to occur when this current ritual presents itself... I think of him. I think of the man that I fell in love with five years ago. The man that I call my lover, my mate, my friend, and my future husband.
I think back to all of those years ago when I had first met him. It was here on LiveJournal where he asked me for a commission of his previous character, a fox named Grae. I was a raccoon at the time, but my ambition for drawing was not much different as it is today. I drew his badge and we very quickly became very close friends with the help of the internet. I remember talking to him every chance I got. It wasn't long after when I knew I was smitten for him. I did not pursue him however. I was in another relationship and I was very doubtful that he would be interested in me that way... little did I know until recently that he was.
A while later I left the person I was with and slowly fell into a deep depression. Soon after I did something that I will never forgive myself for. I left the fandom and with that all of my friends as well, changing my sn, abandoning my artwork, I left everything... even him. I never realized I'd be leaving him in the process. Never once thought of anyone but myself... but I did find myself missing him more and more every day.
Five years since we had first met. I hadn't talked to him in almost two when I found him again. I thought back to what I had done and who I was those few years we had lost touch and what I never got to share with him... I thought about my graduation, my first time enrolling into college, how far my art has progressed, how I almost dropped everything and went to live on the road, how I almost traveled to Tibet or joined the Peace Corps. Even the little things like some of my achievements, people I've met, my journeys and my discoveries that I never got to share... I truly hate myself for it....
....But then I think about that day he called me. That day when he finally admitted that he loved me. I remember crying and telling him that I loved him too... I look back and I feel truly honored.
Honored in knowing that he could share the greatest moment of my life with me.
For five years I have loved you Krael... I can't wait to share the rest of my life with you...